I could jump out of a plane and sky dive without blinking.
I have chosen to fall in love over again until I found the one my soul needed.
I can walk up to any stranger and talk to them.
I challenged the ones I love when I thought they were making poor decisions.
I’ve said no.
I have changed majors, moved cities, redefined friendships, spoken loudly, and sang off-key. All of these things could make others afraid, but they don’t scare me. I thought that made me fearless. All it really means is that I have a wider comfort zone than most people.
I’m embarking on a personal quest this summer, and I hope I am courageous enough to see the mission through. I want to live fearlessly, and that means I must confront the biggest fears I have.
They’ll probably sound small to you, but to me facing them is an undertaking.
1. Finishing a writing project and sending it off for publication. This implies that I am somehow good enough. I am afraid that I am not good enough.
2. Finishing projects I started in High School but never finished. One of these require me to believe in the honesty of people, something I was convinced is a myth.
3. Call myself a writer. This means people might call me naïve behind my back.
4. Conquering my body. This means that I will have to face every hateful thing done to me in my childhood, every joke at my expense, every look of judgment because I am a nerd learning to be healthy. I am breaking the self-made stereotype for myself and allowing myself to be consistent in that.
5. Beating math. Because it is my weakness, and because I have allowed my proficiency in it to dictate my future and the way I see myself. Because I am afraid I am more than I am allowing myself to be.
I guess what I’m saying is, overall I want to be radical enough to believe that I’m better than I’ve allowed myself to be. I want fear to not restrain me anymore, and I want to free fall into the future that could exist through God and fearlessness. Because that is what He called me to.
“But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars—they will be consigned to the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.” Revelation 21:8